Mousie Dreams

I dream and wish for a bit of ...

2011-02-08T11:20:00.000-05:00

something. What it is, I just can't figure out, my mind, my thoughts are just so jumbled, as are my emotions. I need to gain some focus, I need to find out who I am and really I need to make time to find out what happy is.
An acquaintance on Facebook has inspired me, she is attempting to document one thing, each day that has made her happy or made that day much better with a photo and explanation... she's calling it "Bliss in 365". Seeing as my life seems to just merge one day into the next, I think I need to do something like this as well. I am feeling a need to reflect on what makes each day special, I already know, most days it will be something the kids have said or done.
I can't say I'm sad or depressed, I can't say I'm really happy... mostly I feel as every day is the same, there is no beginning and no end, nothing is really different.
I get up, I take care of everyone else in the household first, whether it is cooking, laundry, dishes, picking up messes, taking the dogs out, taking the garbage out, in my home it never ends... I get tired of asking for help and feeling unappreciated.

I look around my house, at everything that needs to be done and usually sigh, I try to not feel overwhelmed by all the jobs that were never finished. Ed was great at starting the lil reno jobs but never finishing them, he would start a job, drink beer as he went and never finish them. I mean I have outlets that I can't cover b/c they are too recessed for a cover to go over, I have a kitchen floor that was done over 10 years ago but the thresholds were never taken care of. It's a two bedroom bungalow, that we turned into a 3 bedroom, by walling in the dining area for a tiny bedroom. I couldn't sell the house to move b/c we couldn't get what would be needed for it. Everything is cramped because we have very little storage. Every time I reorganize the basement so we can have space to work, it becomes a mess again. If only I could turn the attic space into a bedroom/ family space... my bedroom to be precise and a sanctuary if you will. If the tv were off the main floor, the kids could be weaned off their dependency...As it is there is no space that feels like mine in the house, I need a mom cave. Back to my day... I feel, most times like a maid, tied to the kitchen, some days I will admit to fantasizing about running away, starting over... :) yet always with the kids and the animals seem to creep along too.

So ... as I said, I need to get my act together and make some me time... I am important too and I need to find what can make me happy each day, I'm not sure that anyone will follow me on this journey but that's not why I'm doing this. I just need to write it down, to make it concrete because I know if I don't set this goal for myself to do something, I probably would not bother to find the joy in every day and just continue to let each day drag into the next...

Sleepy Autumn... can't wait til Dec 7th wink

2010-11-12T10:06:00.000-05:00

Waiting patiently... ok not so patiently for the expansion to come out.

Yes I'm talking about World of Warcraft now, mainly b/c I'm missing a few friends who have wandered off to Lotro and real life.
Think I'll just work on the Loremaster achievement and finishing leveling my spriest who is only a few levels from 80. I'm not an elite player, I've not been in many dungeons and raids, I don't feel comfortable doing randoms with ppl I don't know... ( an issue I know but I'm shy and am afraid to mess up badly...) but I like the game and have fun playing. That's what it is for me, a game that I enjoy whiling a few hours away at, or in between loads of laundry, house chores, yard work, baking and what ever else has to be done in my day.

So far, I have Aveta, an 80 nelf rogue; Moriggan, an 80 nelf druid; Saveli, a 77 draenei priest; Avvie, a 49 draenei shaman; Imoghen, a 46 human paladin and Izzie, my lil gnome warlock. Neither 80 is well geared, although Mori's resto gear out shines her feral, a bit of a laugh as she's yet to heal a grouping let alone a dungeon.

Starting again!

2010-07-16T10:55:00.000-04:00

Starting again!

That's right... I've given myself the push and decided that the perfect day will never arrive on it's own it's time to just do it and lose the weight that I want to and to get fit again. I'll have a weightloss blog on Spark people and will occasionally cross post here. I may sign up with Weight Watchers, I think my mom will join as support for me if I do. I had to stop putting it off and just do it, so Spark People is my new home page no excuse not to track if I make it easy on myself is there...

Moriggan is 80

2010-06-01T18:42:00.001-04:00

Yay!! My druid hit 80 and is now almost better geared than Aveli/Aveta... definitely better geared than Ave was a few days into 80.

Don't mind my UI, I've been working on changing it a bit - really I'm working on finding a new "bar" setup .

Ave's back in Shandris

2010-05-05T21:00:00.000-04:00

Well Aveli became a belf called Aveta and is now a Night Elf on Shandris but still called Aveta.

List of characters on Shandris:

Aveta - 80 Night Elf Rogue (Assassination and Subtlety Specs)
Moriggan - 78 Night Elf Druid (Feral and Resto Specs)
Saveli - 76 Draenei Priest (Shadow Spec)
Nemayn (formally Delinda) - 72 Night Elf Hunter (Beast Mastery)
Imoghen - 30 Human Paladin (Ret to level but she uses a shield and one hand sword or a two hand sword)
The others don't matter so much mostly bank alts etc... I may permanently make the switch to Horde with my rogue though only b/c I liked her moves/ play time better for some reason.

I really miss having a friend to play alongside though so don't really play seriously, just more puttering around on Ave while I try to level the druid and now pally. Getting a chance to play with a group or hit a raid can be tough b/c of situations at home, sometimes it feels like I'm not allowed to have friends or talk to others b/c of someone's jealously and mistrust. So I mostly play during the day (on my days off) in between what I'm doing that day - whether housework, laundry or spring cleaning etc and gardening.

2010-04-08T22:50:00.002-04:00

Ha, guess I'll be buying a few seasons of Lost to catch up... I have no idea what is happening anymore! Oh and I can't wait for True Blood on Sunday

Realm/Faction Change

2010-03-08T21:16:00.001-05:00

Well, since I've barely played my 80 rogue much over the past 6 months, her gear's kind of pathetic - lol still a green or two, I thought a change was in order. Since I have friends that I've played iwth move to Lothar and horde side I decided to follow. Aveli - human rogue on Shandris is now Aveta Belf rogue on Lothar.

Good News

2010-03-03T10:21:00.000-05:00

Yes!! I've actually had some good news to post.... My last day in my contract as a Visitor Services Clerk was on Feb 28th, due to the end of BodyWorlds at the Ontario Science Centre, well yesterday I received a call from our departments manager. He wanted to know if I was interested in continuing as a VS Clerk and to e-mail in to get added back on to the schedule. Go Me!!! I wanted to post this and celebrate, I'm not sure how long the new contract will be for... but I'll be working through March Break and quite likely through the new Harry Potter exhibit.
This week to celebrate I am going to get a new haircut and maybe highlights too... lol hmm I've not had a manicure or pedicure in a very long time as well.

The kids made their dad buy me flowers last week.

Been a long time since...

2010-03-03T10:11:00.000-05:00

...I posted, it's hard to decide what to share in my life I'm thinking.

The past couple of years have been stressful, to say the least and after hearing the concern from my family I've recently decided to talk to my doctor about how I've been feeling and coping... or not coping with it. So after our talk, we decided to try cipralex and see if it helps my stress/mood and get me to a place where I can finally think clearly about everything that is going on and how I can deal with it. Ha, after the initial week of getting used to the drug and the side effects, that mostly went away after that first week, I can say that I'm trying to decide how to handle the one biggest stress in my life. The other stresses (i.e. learning how to help the kids work around their ADD and other lil day to day stuff) will always be there but now I find I can easier cope with them.

I've know all along what my problem has been, I now understand that it has been there for years and think more stress was created b/c I could not decide how to handle it. It was a never ending circle of anxiety, guilt and uncertainty for months, life is now looking a little clearer, and while I have not made up my mind the paths I need to take, at least I'm thinking clearer, feeling more certain of myself, happier, my old feeling of calm and almost never ending patience has come back. In short I feel more myself again and like who I am again. It's been a long time since I've felt like doing anything; whether something household related or even just going out with friends or doing something different for myself.

If you know me, then you know what, or shall I say who the biggest stress in my is... well I won't get into everything today b/c I have things that I want to get done and don't feel like being tethered to my computer for hours. I still care about him, quite a bit... at times I do still love him even though he makes it terribly hard to. A functioning alcoholic... hmm that is a bit of an oxymoron b/c how can an alcoholic truely be functioning... he can be a good man/husband/father when sober... but a complete ass when not. It's a rough spot to be in, one that I wouldn't really wish upon anyone, the whirlwind of emotions at least are no longer completely stressful. I know it will take time to work through what needs to be done, I think I'm too laid back though and will need to gather the courage to stand up and lay down the law...

New Addition

2009-04-13T20:40:00.001-04:00

Well we have a new family member.. lol no I did not bring home a baby :) but a puppy. Luna is a 4 1/2 month old German Sheppard/Husky cross, she looks mostly German Sheppard but has those beautiful ice blue eyes. She is a handful, full of energy and a little spitfire but so worth having around. Here are the kids with her... heehee something funny happened tonight.. well we've only had her for a few days and tonight was the first time I ran a bath for the kids with her here. Wouldn't you know she tried, many times to jump into the bath, I'm guessing she likes water :)

I'll post more later.. for now I'm going to get the kids into bed and go play a bit of WoW.

Northrend Traveller

2009-04-06T16:33:00.000-04:00

Whoot Ave explored all of Northrend and received an epic tabard.

10 man Naxx

2009-03-28T16:25:00.000-04:00

Ran two quadrants with the guild last night, I was low for dps *sigh* but once I can get the better gear and get used to group runs again ( I didn't do them that often b/c I preferred bg's )I should be able to do better. Should have taken a screen shot to post but forgot - I'll have to add one of my new dagger though. Dagger and boots - nice epics :)
Ahaha we did well on the Arachnid room.. *shudders* ugh why does it always have to be spiders, and got to Heigan in the Plague Quad but after that I had to log.. lol at 37 1 am bedtimes don't happen that often. The safety dance looked fun, yeah I died shortly into the fight I'm told it usually happens the first time. We had 4 down and completed the dance in 16 minutes but it was neat to watch. As melee I would basically keep close to the off tank and do the dance while dps-ing... luckily all the casters can keep out of the way. I just wish I had better timing with playing the game... Ed's well, he's not the most helpful anymore around the houseand I find things go smoother if I wait to really play/vent when he's gone to bed. Otherwise I mainly putter around in the game - farming herbs, dailies, trying to save up greens for enchants and working on achievements.

March 10 - Tuesday

2009-03-10T21:18:00.000-04:00

It's funny, my daughter is 9 years old and she still likes to have me sing her a lullaby, my repertoire is a whole 4 or 5 songs - lol except near Christmas when I can add a few carols to the mix. I think they are the only songs I actually do well in singing *shrug* and the only ones I'll sing where others can hear me... I enjoy singing but am a closet singer, I know I'm off tune and well really.. a crappy singer but like to belt out whatever I'm listening to if no one is around. And I'll sing almost anything: old tunes are best and the most fun, years of working at a toy store has me singing kids music when I'm not thinking about it, and my favorite band - Barenaked Ladies always creeps out.

My daughter likes to sing and may one day have the voice for it, she remembers songs after hearing them a few times so I'm trying to figure out a way to use music to help her study. My son(7) , well he prefers to watch Weezer videos. I think this is his favorite one ... couldn't figure out how to embed a video from youtube in a post so follow the link instead.

Troublemaker

*ahahah* an aside here... a new commercial for Huggies pull ups doing the"potty dance" distracted me... sorry had never seen it before.

A few Bumperstickers

2009-03-10T12:33:00.001-04:00

Ahahah so yes I'm feeling a lil cynical today.. but these made me giggle. I'm sorry but I have no idea where and when I saved these from, I was going through my "brain" and came across them from my days in the "graphics community".

Ave at 80

2009-02-16T16:37:00.000-05:00

Yup she hit 80... okay I know she's in disguise lol but it happened when I turned in a quest. Not the best shot but there she is.

79...

2009-02-09T09:09:00.000-05:00

Yes for those who are interested Aveli hit 70 yesterday, actually after handing in the 10 quests she had completed she is over 20% into the level... another day or two of questing and she will be there.

Ahaha Right now I'm watching "Igor" and think it's such a cute film... I think my favourite character is Scamper and his "Really Brain? You want to be trapped in an endless existential nightmare even though life is meaningless and nothing matters?" attitude. Poor little patched together bunny.

WoW

2009-02-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

So Ave is still at 78, half way through the level though and now is equipped with most of the Eviscerator's set with new leggings to come - I've actually - unbuffed got her ap to 1970 and her crit rating is over 25%. Can't wait to get to 80 and try raiding. - oh well just a lil update, not much time for anything else.